Babywearing - Without It, I'd Feel Naked

A few days ago, I read a blog post criticizing those of us who call ourselves “babywearers.”  The author claimed she’d rather go naked (literally as the post was headed by a tasteful photo of a mama holding a baby, both naked) than “wear” her baby.  Apparently, I’ve been ignoring and dehumanizing my children for fashion and convenience’s sake and encouraging you to do the same.

Ouch, that smarts.

On second thought, it smacks of extremism.  I do agree that it would be great to do nothing by hold my baby day and night.  At my house, this means that I would be completely non-functional.  Caring for the home and children is in large part my responsibility as my loving, helpful husband works full-time.  Unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of a housekeeper, nanny, chef, personal shopper, or stylist to coif me and ready my house for daily life.  Heck, we don’t even have a babysitter after a year of living here.

If I were never guilty of “wearing” my babies, we might not all still be here.  That is a slight exaggeration.  My house certainly wouldn’t be clean or neat, there would never be any food, and my older child might be running across the country like Forrest Gump.  Wearing my second child from the first days saved my sanity and confidence.  I had a way to keep him happy and safe while simultaneously entertaining (or chasing) my older child.  She was not quite two when he was born, so she still needed a lot of my hands-on care and attention.  I do not know how I would have been happy, healthy, or functional without our “mama pouch” during that 4^th trimester.

It’s true that a well-worn kiddo is super cute, even chic at the moment.  Does that lessen the well-documented fact that your baby has a biological need to be close to you?  Wearing your child fills physical and emotional needs for you both, and it helps you to meet the needs of other when necessary.  

Watching National Geographic confirms that wearing your baby is as instinctive as it gets.  I have never watched or read about a tribal culture (never will you catch me labeling them “primitive” as they are incredibly sophisticated societies, many more “civilized than our own) in Africa, the Philippines, South America, etc… that DIDN’T show mothers carrying their newborn to toddler-age children in some sort of sling or wrap.  These women indubitably meet more challenges and hardships in daily life than I do, but we all end up babywearing.  It is a way to keep that child secure and get by.

Modernity is a blessing and a curse.  We ask so much of new mothers and so often push them to “get back to normal.”  There is no more old normal.  Everything changes with a baby.  I envy the cultures who do not allow a new mother to lift a finger for the first 30 days of her baby’s life.  Instead, the mother’s female relatives take care of the household, provide meals, and make it so that the mother’s only job is to nurture her baby and rest.  It’s a stretch in my birth classes to convince an expecting mother to spend 5 days in, 5 days on, and 5 days near her bed.  That’s about as basic as it gets for postpartum recovery.  It’s mostly to let the ligaments that hold up your uterus draw back up, allow all of the organs supported by your pelvic floor to settle back into the proper place, and work out the kinks of early breastfeeding.  

That’s another post for another day.  Back to babywearing.

I do not make time to sew rings slings for others as penance to the gods of fashion.  I did not make your sling to marginalize your child to the level of the season’s hottest new purse or a pair of hot, red-soled heels.  If you choose a baby carrier, my slings or otherwise, that screams “you,” you will use it more.

This, in turn, means that your baby will spend less time in baby “appliances” and more time in physical contact with you.  Even the priciest carrier purchased only for its looks and popularity is better than expecting to put your baby down all the time.  I would rather see a baby in said carrier snuggled against a caregiver than sitting all but forgotten in a carseat while mama chats with her friends over lunch. 

We are carry mammals, not cache mammals.  The baby constantly expected or pushed into “appliances” is the ignored baby not the “worn” baby.  Not to mention, tying to “teach” your baby to like things like bouncers and swings is stressful.  It sure was at my house.  I didn’t want to carry or wear my babies all of the time.  Nobody loves holding a baby 24 hours a day.  We all need a break and a safe, secure place to put that baby.  It’s all about balancing your needs with those of the new addition.

My ability to sew slings allows me to ease this transition for new parents.  Whether it’s your first or your 8^th baby, there will be some changes.  I have a skill that can boost the confidence and lower stress of mothers around me.  The benefits of attachment parenting are many and backed by much research.  For some, wearing a baby is the only tenet of AP they will ever embrace.

I, for one, would feel naked NOT wearing my baby.  “Babywearing” will never be a pejorative in my personal vocabulary.  I hope to be that wizened, smiling, elderly lady in the grocery store driving all of the young mamas up the wall talking about how smart they are to follow their intuition and wear their babies.